I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
