I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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