I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize