Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
