Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
