Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
