watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
