I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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