Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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