i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize