We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
