I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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