wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
No subtext here. People are naked.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
