dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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