So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
