Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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