a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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