You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize