What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
