i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize