Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
