No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
