bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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