you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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