apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
