Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
