Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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