who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
