Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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