And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
