See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
