Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We're too hungover to prance.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
