Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
