chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
