i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
