Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
