It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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