Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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