Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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