This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
