There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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