My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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