Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
