I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
