you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
