make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My dick has a subreddit
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
