I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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