I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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