We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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