Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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