I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
