it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
there was a trapeze. enough said
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
