I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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