I showed him my bush... on skype.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
