Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
