I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
