ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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