when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
