do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I wish there were birth control emojis
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
