i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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