I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
