i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
