You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
