.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
