I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
