turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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