I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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