i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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