So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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