didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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