Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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