you turned your livingroom into a bong?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
