Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Randomize
